The Agility Addiction (Humor)

Original author unknown – edited by Creekside to suit AKC agility.

I feel it is my duty to give a warning to all those new to the world of agility about agility addiction. A number of years ago, I remember being told this sport was addictive and I am sure like many others I just laughed this off as a funny idea. I would like to put into perspective what an addiction to agility actually means should you catch this disease.

You will find yourself out of bed at some ungodly hour stuffing your car full of gear when the rest of the world is sleeping in and planning a weekend of fun.

Your freezer will be full of raw dog food, and training treats will take up any available space with very little space left for your own human food.

You may find yourself taking your dogs for massage, acupuncture, chiropractic treatments, laser work and water treadmills while you yourself are stiff and sore and falling apart at the seams

Your social group will change to mainly other doggy friends so you can satisfy your desire to have a good old gossip about rule changes and the highs and lows of your last agility weekend

You may have promised yourself you would never be seen dead in lycra sportswear, yet here you are clad in skin tight leggings waving a multicoloured fleece leash in a random field at 7.30am in the morning

Porta Potties, which used to be reserved for those wild days at rock concerts when you were young, are now the regular norm at weekends.

Your bank account will never be the same again

You will try to come up with ways to escape weddings, anniversaries and family gatherings to go to an agility trial that clashes on the calendar.

You will find yourself on a start line with a bounding amount of hope that this could be it, that moment to shine and 30 seconds later be saying words in your head that are unrepeatable in public.

You will need more storage space for all the stuff you will end up buying to aid your addiction.

You will get wet, you will get muddy, you will get sunburn, your clothes will be covered in dog paw prints, your hair will be a mess and you will most likely smell of liver, sausage and dried fish.

Your Facebook feed is about 80% dog agility related.

Agility will most likely influence what your next vehicle will be. It will be fitted with crates, fans, non spill water bowls, folding chairs and shade covers.

Your dreams of your perfect house will be less about inside and more about whether the garden could fit an agility course in it.

Your dogs will own more types of coats than you do

You will become obsessed with contacts. You will think about them, watch them, talk about then, get frustrated by them and admire other people’s.

You will learn a new language. This could include phrases such as;

It was a good NQ not a bad one
I think I’ll do a German here
I need a reverse spin there
Can I get a blind in between 10-11?
I need to reinforce my start line
I’m not working on a double so it doesn’t matter
Should I front or rear
Lala lala lala lala
It’s classic displacement behaviour.
How can I get the send?
That was a lovely rear

These things will not mean anything to those non agility friends (assuming you have any left)

You will also have the best time of your life, get tons of fresh air, get fitter, meet so many new friends, feel a rollercoaster of emotions and build a bond and understanding with your dog like nothing else.

You have been warned!!”